Contemplating Life’s Choices

2026 has been a year filled with constant changes at work, another battle with burnout, and a lot of soul searching about what the future of my career could look like.

Just like my first battle with burnout, I did more research, read books, and listened to podcasts. The difference this time around was I could feel myself slipping further into the pit of despair so I knew I had to do something different.

• Instead of struggling alone I started to ask for help and let myself feel no guilt in receiving it
• I let things slip from my standard of excellence and allowed myself to be “good enough” or even “behind” because responding to Slack messages in 2.5 seconds does not equal a strong performance review
• I started to reconnect with friends and made time to meet people in person instead of just online
• I stoped putting on the brave face and allowed myself to have good days and bad days – as the “go along to get along” and “ever optimist” I stopped feeling like I owed the world only the happy version of me

Even though I was doing these things something still felt missing. I knew I didn’t want to overhaul my life so the “new year, new me” approaches weren’t going to work. I didn’t want to cut back on time with my kids, family, or friends because those things were bringing me hope and joy on my hardest days. I also didn’t want to create something unrealistic that wasn’t sustainable for me or my family.

I decided I would give myself space to just revisit the things I loved as a child that I wanted for my kids too. We started going to the library more often. We completed the summer reading program and have attended a number of their free events. My fondest memories of childhood were the summer reading program and checking out stacks of books. My kids are already in high school and late elementary school so I didn’t want to spend any more summers not spending time there.

I also loved any kind of arts and crafts as a kid. I’d been watching a friend online who does sketching and water color and decided I would give it a shot. A few years back I’d asked for and got a bunch of watercolor supplies either for my birthday or Christmas. I think I’d tried them once and gave up mostly because my perfectionist tendencies didn’t want to mix up the paint or do a bad job. This time around I watched videos, found easy project inspo, checked out books from the library, and realized even if you make your paints messy it’s ok. Also, no one is a professional artist from day one. I gave myself room to paint stuff that didn’t look good or realistic or that was meh at best. I anticipate having pages that look like a child painted them and know that’s totally fine because it’s not about the end painting it’s about the time and space I’m giving myself in the process. Also, unless you have a heat gun, watercolor can be an excellent exercise in patience if you don’t want all your colors to run together.

The other thing I have reminded myself to tap into is music. I grew up playing the piano and even learned to play the organ. (Honestly if I had Anna Lapwood back then I might have found a way to keep learning the organ.) Music has a way of lifting my mood and getting me out of a funk so I let myself build playlists, sample new artists, and crank the music loud in the car. I also found playlists filled with yoga chants which was nice as well.

It feels like a journey back to myself lately. An exploration of what makes me, me. Not the titles, the places I’ve worked, or the categories I generally fall into like wife, mother, daughter, etc. I want to be able to talk about what makes me truly happy, who I am beyond worldly labels, what I stand for, and the legacy I want to leave. I still have a ways to go. I want to integrate more yoga, I want to continue to learn about astrology and chakras and other woo-woo things, and I want to create space for other women to join me in doing the same.

If you’ve been part of my journey for a while you’ve seen bits and pieces of what I’ve wanted to build. A focus on making workplaces that work for everyone. A keynote about navigating your career in the age of AI. Personal development, community events, and more contemplation than anyone I’ve ever met. These things have been great in many ways and I know some things need to change.

For the rest of 2026 I’m committing to taking action to build the world I want to live in. To sharing resources generously with others. To continue to amplify and support WOC, small businesses, and folks who are doing the work to make the world a better place. To not give up on myself because it seems scary.

The container for my business will be community. I want to create:

• a safe space for women to learn about contemplation practices that can support us in navigating our careers and life when the future feels uncertain, particularly for those of us struggling with burnout or making a career pivot
• an opportunity to rekindle, make space for, or try all things creative even if we’re “not good at it” or the end work “looks messy / bad”
• a way to connect with our inner wisdom and with others who don’t want to “new year/new me” but rather start curating the practices that enable us to continue to nurture and support others without losing ourselves in the day-to-day

My first experiment will be a local in-person gathering I’m calling Contemplation and Creativity. It will be a yoga based community project where women can gather to experience something creative while growing in community. It’s the space I want for myself and I’m hoping it will be the space others need too. I’m also hosting it at my local library because libraries have always been one of my favorite places and supporting them in any way I can feels right.

I’m curious, how is 2026 going for others? I always hope folks are doing well and I know that the reality for a lot of people is filled with anxiety, worry, and burnout. If you’re in the Salt Lake City/northern Utah County area I’d love to connect in person. If you’re not local I hope you’ll take the time to take care of yourself and get any support you may need to keep moving forward even if times are tough. You belong here, you deserve to be here, and you are enough just as you are.