Contemplating Life’s Choices

Note: This post is part of a series about burnout recovery and why, despite the efforts to follow the research on how to recover from burnout, we can still burnout again. This series was initially delivered as part of a presentation I did here in Utah and aligns with my coaching and speaking work.

As someone who had all the things in place to move through burnout I found it discouraging to find myself burning out again in early 2026. At that point I realized there were still things happening that were out of my control. The head of the department I’m in leaving, no clear leadership direction on strategy or day-to-day operations, and continued fear of layoffs – especially without a leader in place contributed to a feeling of spiraling back out of control.

I started to fall back into thought patterns of wondering if it really was me and that I just wasn’t capable enough to navigate the role I was in. Maybe I wasn’t as adaptable or as competent as I thought I was. Perhaps in working to overcome impostor syndrome I’d actually managed to even fool myself into believing that I was good at the work I was doing. I questioned if life was destined to be like this forever and that I’d never find work where I wouldn’t spend most of my days miserable, in self doubt, anxious, or depressed. I questioned if maybe the impostor syndrome wasn’t wrong and that maybe I wasn’t smart enough to warrant being in the role I was in or getting paid my salary.

On April 20, 2026 I went back to my doctor to talk about how I’d been feeling and discuss if a modified work schedule might help give me space to cope with the rising burnout while also still being there for my team and in anticipation that a new leader would be starting soon and I wanted to see if they would be someone I could work for. We discussed options for medication and other interventions and agreed that trying the modified schedule seemed like a good first step with a plan to revisit later in the summer if things weren’t improving. Shortly after I submitted the paperwork to work M-W and be off Th-F every week.

As I settled in to the new work schedule I realized part of breaking the cycle was not compromising the space I was creating. Working on three days a week set me up to potentially try and do it all in those days or to spend time working on the days I was supposed to be focused on myself and my family. I started to realize that if I was going to break the cycle of burnout I would have to choose how I wanted to approach my work going forward. Was I going to continue to “do it all” or actually honor space for myself so I could focus on redefining what place work would take in my life going forward? I didn’t want to just jump back into work and keep doing the things that clearly weren’t working for me but I also didn’t want to show up half heartedly knowing I wasn’t producing my best work.

I realized in looking at the Resilience Trap that the way to break the cycle was to intentionally choose my best approach and to shift my behaviors and mindsets to go in the direction that made the most sense for me. I had to awaken to the possibilities and determine how I was going to change going forward knowing some things were legitimately out of my control and that I couldn’t fix every systemic issue in short order.

When you think about getting out of the Resilience Trap there are three options to break the burnout cycle.

1. Exit: in some cases leaving your job may be the choice you have to make. If you work for a toxic boss and your management chain either supports the behavior or refuses to change anything leaving may be your only choice. You do not have to put up with behavior that breaks you down and erodes your mental or physical health. We should acknowledge that an immediate exit may not be an option for everyone so the best approach may be to create a plan to apply for jobs so you can make an exit.
   • Recommendation: Most companies have the capability to monitor your activity on company devices. This could range from seeing every action taken to being able to access your search history and Slack/Teams messages. Depending on your terms of employment, it’s not worth risking early termination by spending work time searching for jobs on your work computer. If you don’t have a personal device most libraries have free internet access available.
2. Exist: for some, leaving may not be the right choice. You may have an upcoming health procedure for you or a family member where keeping your insurance makes the most sense. If there is a specific person who is the problem and they may be leaving soon it may be worth it to stick it out and find ways to protect your peace while they exit. For others, you may have a chronic health condition or personal reasons for not wanting to leave just yet. I struggled feeling like staying was not a valid choice because it felt like I was giving up or not doing what I could to create the conditions for me to thrive. In tough economic times sometimes the choice to exist by finding ways to protect your peace while doing good work is the best option for you.
   • Recommendation: If you make the choice to exist it may be worth it to work with a career or life coach so you can receive additional support in planning for the future. Sometimes we choose to exist because we aren’t sure what our options are or we are continuing to pursue a vision for our future that is not truly ours. Having support to work through your personal situation can be game changing to not feel stuck. If I’m not the coach for you, I have a list of other coaches I personally know and recommend on my Resources page under Folks to Follow.
3. Resist: if you find you have the energy to work for change, particularly if you are in a position of formal power and authority in your role, resisting status quo and fighting for change can make an impact for you and others. Sometimes systems, policies, and procedures create friction where it takes people with the energy, capability, and influence to push for change. Grassroots work to partner with HR, leaders, or other stakeholders can result in changes that make a difference. If you know you want to continue to climb the career ladder, finding ways to influence change, with or without formal authority, can be a critical skill that helps you achieve your goals.
   • Recommendation: it’s worth evaluating if your team, department, or organization is open to change. Sometimes even if the change is backed up with data, research, and relevant case studies efforts to change may not be welcome. Sometimes we have to evaluate what level of change is possible and adjust our efforts accordingly. Sometimes small incremental changes can lead to bigger changes over time and it’s worth discerning if now is the time to tackle the big issues or if there are smaller actions that can be taken to make a difference. Even if you have the energy to resist, it doesn’t mean you have to carry the burden alone.

As I burned out for the second time, I realized that the right choice for me was to exist. The new boss that showed up has been great so far and it is giving me hope that things can change. I still have hard days and moments of doubt but with the support of my team and leaders around me it feels like there may be a way forward. Additionally, continuing to work makes sense for me for a variety of other reasons so I’m grateful to be able to show up doing work that is, at least in part, work that I feel is meaningful and impactful.

If you choose to exist this doesn’t mean giving up or “quiet quitting”. It means you can set boundaries, ask for help, and create space for yourself to breathe as you redefine what work means for you.

If you are currently in burnout and feel you can’t go on you can call or text the Crisis Line at 988 24/7. If you are not in immediate crisis but want additional support you can call or look up your local 211 for free and confidential health and human services. If you are employed, I also recommend looking into your insurance or other benefits to see if you have free or discounted access to therapy, wellness, or self-care support.