Contemplating Life’s Choices

** Heads up, I have a lot I want to discuss and share around my experience with burnout so this will end up being a series of posts. For ease, I will label the posts in the title like you see here. Welcome to season 1, episode 4. You can find all of my posts related to my burnout experience here.

One of the things I turned to when I burned out was yoga. It was the one thing I knew helped me out of what was likely undiagnosed postpartum depression.

When my son, and our first baby, was born it was a traumatic experience. I don’t know that I recognized how bad I was feeling because I assumed some of it was the usual new baby stuff. Lacking sleep, adjusting to a new routine, and a whole other person to take care of. Looking back I know that the ongoing fear around his long term outlook combined with everything that happened and persistent high blood pressure should have been a sign that I probably needed some additional support.

The thing that made me realize things could be better was when I took a yoga class from a friend of mine who was working on her yoga teacher training certification. She needed people to come practice with her and complete feedback forms and the classes would be free until she completed her hours. I figured she was always someone I enjoyed spending time with so I said yes.

Even after my first class with her I realized how bad of shape I was in and how completely different I could feel. I can literally remember driving home towards the sunset realizing this was going to be something that changed my life.

A number of classes later and finding I could pull myself out of the darkness I knew I wanted to learn more for myself. I ended up certifying as a yoga teacher to learn the skills my friend had that had, in many ways, saved my life.

When I burned out at work the first thing I turned to, after finding a therapist and seeing my doctor for my blood pressure issues, was yoga.

I started to practice most days of the week, often for about an hour, in a slow restorative practice.

I knew it wasn’t going to work for me to try and jump into a hard physical practice. I listened to my body and moved slow and deliberately. I breathed deeply and realized that was even something I wasn’t doing in my daily life. I used yoga chanting and mantras to support my practice and just let myself be.

Once again, that daily practice of yoga became a beautiful space for me to be still, to heal, and to listen to what my body, mind, and soul needed.

This time with burnout I knew I might need more support so I also added in some Restorative Partner Yoga. This was what I needed to support my personal practice and help me feel embodied again. This was critical to helping me work through what was going on because in the lead-up to burning out I was spending so much time trying to rationalize and talk myself into believing everything would be fine and I just spent too much time in my head and not enough in my body.

For those who feel yoga is only hot yoga, skinny/flexible bodies, and fancy name brand matching outfits it absolutely is not. Most of what you see pictured as yoga in magazines, movies, and online is a very commercialized, and sometimes culturally appropriated, version of yoga. If you haven’t felt yoga is for you, I encourage you to try different types of yoga and see what fits. Even finding a meditation practice or trying some yoga chant could be a meaningful start to a practice you can carry through your life.

If you happen to live in Salt Lake or Utah County I highly recommend the studio where I did my teacher training and continue to learn from, Bodhi Yoga. They offer teacher trainings as well as classes online for $9.95/month with your first week being free. Additionally, there’s a new Moon Chakra’s app if you’d rather start with a non-physical practice or if you’d like to add chakra work to your existing yoga practice.

No matter what, I hope that if you’ve burned out you look at different options to support yourself. I believe yoga is for every body it might just take some time to find the yoga that is the right fit for you.