Contemplating Life’s Choices

When I started this blog I really wanted a space for myself to be my truest and most authentic self. Sometimes I find that to be easy and other times it feels like I’m still just trying to be the me that fits in and goes along to get along. I even know logically that there’s a limited number of people who see this content and I don’t know that any of the wonderful folks who have chosen to subscribe and follow me here know me in real life. That should equal some freedom to post whatever I want, right?

This week I saw a few things on social media that made me think about that idea of belonging. Like having a place where you can be your 100% weird, wild, nuanced, unique, and amazing self and still be loved, accepted, and valued for all that you are. Belonging isn’t something that is easily built though. For so many of us, for one reason or another, we’ve learned to fit in which means we can sure look like we are part of the crew and happy to be here but deep down sometimes you realize you don’t really belong, you just fit in.

As I’ve continued contemplating things lately I’ve had this growing sense that something isn’t working for me and I think part of it is I’m tired of just fitting in and want to feel like I belong. I want to feel like I’m in spaces where I can receive the support I give to others, where I can do work that is meaningful and makes a difference in creating the future I want for myself and for my kids, and where being my fullest self is not just ok but celebrated.

I have such a hard time asking for help and I have an even harder time admitting when things are tough for me. I see the hard times so many people around me are going through and I default into the “don’t make your problems other peoples problems” mode or the “you’ve got it so good in so many ways don’t complain” and when I do that I end up sitting alone with my anxiety and fear with a smile on my face like everything is ok.

In my mind, I know that some of my greatest joy comes from when I can help others in whatever ways I can whether big or small. It could be sending a gift card for a delivered meal, sharing some advice, or making a connection to someone in my network. And yet, even though I value those opportunities to be there for others I still have a hard time letting other people do the same for me.

Perhaps that’s why I’ve realized in so many spaces I’ve just fit in, I don’t know that I’ve often felt I really belong. Maybe it’s the full moon outside my window that’s pulling this out of me or maybe it’s just time to admit that sometimes even when things are hard for others it doesn’t mean we can’t still ask for help. Perhaps, this is how I start cultivating the spaces where I truly belong.

I will say, I am fine and I will be fine. I know how to access crisis services and I do have insurance and can seek professional help if that’s something that’s needed. Also I will say I am fortunate to have some close friends where I know if I opened up I’d have all the love and support I need so it’s not like I’m out here completely alone.

I’m curious if others feel like you have a space where you really belong. Maybe it’s your family, at work, or with a friend group. I also acknowledge that no one person or group of people will be 100% of everything you need in this life so I don’t expect anyone to feel like they belong in all places and with all people or that one group provides everything you need. If that’s the case for you cool, but I also want to keep space for the fact that’s not the case for everyone.

What’s your take? Do you feel you belong in one or multiple spaces you’re in? Do you feel you have some people or even a person where you can be 100% yourself? I’d just love to know how other people experience the concept of fitting in vs belonging.