Contemplating Life’s Choices

Y’all, I somehow wasn’t thinking when I went out of town for work last week and completely forgot to get something together so I could post. I didn’t go far, just down to St. George in southern Utah, but it was a good trip and I enjoyed meeting folks in person for the first time and seeing people we met the last time we visited.

Since I committed to posting every week on Wednesday, realizing I’d missed last week was hard. I used to be the kind of person that would tell myself “well you’ve messed it up! Now it won’t be perfect so you might as well give up…”.

Now I’m the type of person that goes, oh crap, that wasn’t ideal, but we’re just going to figure things out and keep on going. Why, because perfectionism can’t rule my life anymore. We’re all human and making mistakes is ok. With that said, I’ve got a couple weeks to make up for so you’ll see some back to back posts.

Over the next few Weeks of Contemplation I want to share questions I use when I’m considering a job change. Whether it’s you’re feeling bored, your workplace is toxic, or you’ve been let go from a job and don’t know where to go next, these are questions that can help you gain clarity on what you really want and identify opportunities to take action.

What are my strengths? What do I do well, what do people ask me for advice about, and what unique perspectives and life experiences do I have?

Talking about your strengths can be really hard for some folks, especially women and diverse folks. (I’m not saying men don’t experience this too but I’m a woman so I write from my perspective. If you’re interested in learning about imposter syndrome from a male perspective I recommend Dr. Richard Orbe-Austin as a starting point for additional resources/perspective.) We’re often told to not brag or toot our own horn. We’re told to keep your head down and just do the work and someone will see that and promote you or give you a raise. We’re told that it’s rude to talk about your accolades and accomplishments and so sometimes identifying your unique strengths and the value you’re capable of bringing to a role can feel yucky in some ways.

I’m here to tell you that thinking is garbage! That thinking only serves to keep you feeling indebted for what you have even if it’s less than others doing similar work, feeling like if you just did a little more someone would finally see your work and give you that promotion or raise, and feeling like you can’t be proud of how far you’ve come in your life. In short, the whole imposter syndrome is blaming you for society’s inability to see your value in the ways you bring it into the world. Seriously, if the world didn’t define success in one way would you really feel less than for making the life choices you have to date? I could hop on my soap box about this but I actually want to circle back to the question so you can really think about this. (For more imposter syndrome resources check out Dr. Lisa Orbe-Austin.)

When you think about your strengths, think about them in the context of the follow up questions. What do you do well could also be looked at as what is really easy to you but people praise you for because it’s hard to them? If people are always hitting you up for advice on the same topic(s), that might be a place you’re strong in experience or have a unique perspective where you have the trust of others to support them. The other way to think about strengths is the unique experiences that make you who you are. Sometimes the experiences that have been the hardest for us are major differentiators in how we think, show up, and problem solve. Other times, the different ways we’ve got to where we are in our career or the combination of our hobbies and work interests help us see connections those who have had a linear path in life may not see.

I love taking the time to write down everything and anything that comes to mind with these questions. I suggest actually writing things down for this question because I’ll share my series of questions when I do this type of reflection and at the end we’ll start discussing how to pull it all together. By the end of the series you’ll likely know if it’s time to advocate to adjust your current role, if it’s time to seek a new role (in or out of your company), or what you’re actually looking for if you’re in a job search.

Don’t hesitate to tap into tools like the CliftonStrengths (not free but I have found many workplaces will pay for the cost as part of your personal development budget) or these tools recommended by Adam Grant.

Take a free, scientifically valid personality assessment: Big Five (short 538 version or 300-question NEO version), the Hogan Personality Inventory, or PrinciplesYou, an assessment I helped develop to expand beyond Big Five.

Adam Grant

It’s time to stop hiding your light and the incredible things you bring to the world. The first time I did this exercise compared to when I’ve done it in recent years is a big difference so even if you think you know yourself well your priorities can change over time so it’s worthwhile to consider these questions at different points in your life.

As always, if you join in I’d love to hear what you’ve discovered or identified as your strengths. These answers can help you answer the interview question “tell us why we should hire you over our other candidates” without having to resort to put down others. You can acknowledge that without knowing the other candidates you have no way of comparing yourself to them though you can talk about your strengths and what you would bring to the role.

P.S. if you’ve been recently impacted by layoffs or are in urgent need to get out of your job and find a new one feel free to connect with me and I can send you the full list of career discovery questions so you can work through all of them right away. You can reach me on LinkedIn or through Peervuu, an online mentoring platform where you can talk to folks about career advice, creating a startup, and so much more. I’m one of their mentors on the platform but don’t feel obligated to work with me. There are so many great folks with incredible experiences. Some folks charge for their time and others offer free/low cost sessions so there’s something for everyone there.