Contemplating Life’s Choices

If you’re following along with my blog you’ve seen I had a moment of clarity happen for me earlier this week. A path between the different things I felt I could pursue for my life suddenly felt like it was illuminated and I had a way forward. That was pretty cool.

So, for our second question in our 52 Weeks of Contemplation I wanted to think about the aha moments that sometimes happen.

Have you ever had an aha moment or a time where suddenly you felt you had a new found sense of purpose or clarity? We’re you seeking the answer to a specific question or did something happen that just hit different and changed your perspective?

For me, the experience earlier this week was one example of where suddenly the answer I couldn’t find was suddenly available to me and when things like that happen I’ve learned to listen to myself and at minimum take notes. Those flashes of wisdom can leave as quickly as they showed up so I make sure to write down anything that comes to mind even if it feels confusing or impossible.

The other time I’ve experienced something similar was after most of my family caught Covid early on in the pandemic. We’re talking pre-vaccines when society was still moving along thinking we’d keep showing up to the office acting like nothing was going to change. What happened for me was I got so sick. Far more sick than I have ever been, probably in my entire life. I was luckily not hospitalized but my dad was for a few days. All of us made full recoveries but for me I still felt pretty exhausted and not fully back to normal for months after that experience.

What I realized as I started to come out of all of the funk and physical exhaustion was that in that entire time I was moving along at probably a fraction of my normal pace and no one noticed anything had changed. Sure maybe those close to me saw I was more tired than usual but work moved on, life moved on, and nothing bad happened.

I realized that, as a person who is a recovering perfectionist, people pleaser, and over achiever, that in slowing down to recover the world didn’t somehow end.

For me this was such an odd experience as I was used to always giving 150%. I was the one to take on more than anyone else. I said yes to everything. I never let people down and if I even got close to not making a deadline I was up late getting it done. I was grinding it out, working hard, and trying to prove I had what it takes and was good enough to belong where I was.

When I looked back and realized that no one noticed the difference between my 150% and what I was physically able to give while I was recovering it confirmed for me that I had always been doing too much. That taking time to rest and nurture myself was an option and that I didn’t need to say yes to everything just to make others happy.

My lesson learned was that I matter and my needs matter and that I needed to be better about taking care of myself because at the end of the day if I didn’t take care of me my job could replace me but my family and friends would never be the same if I didn’t do better for myself.

Since then I’ve worked to always take vacation time when I need it, to disconnect from work when I need a break, and to be far more present with my family and friends. To savor every moment I get with my loved ones, to see the beauty that is around me, and to never take this life for granted.

I also realized that it’s ok to be sad and mad, that sometimes days suck, and that some days I will be distracted and irritable and that’s ok too. I’ve learned that experiencing and working through the full range of emotions and experiences is ok and that there is no shame in admitting when I need help or some time alone.

So, has anyone else had an aha moment or a turning point where suddenly you had a different level of clarity that you hadn’t experienced before? As always, I hope you’ll take the time to journal your thoughts and create a space that feels good for you to invest in your inner work and discovery process. If you feel inspired to share feel free to leave your thoughts or a link to your blog in the comments.