Contemplating Life’s Choices

Ok friends. If you’re new here be sure you check out the first and second post in this series so you can catch up on my year end reflection process. Once you’ve done that let’s move on to the next piece so you can get ready for the new year. This section is a little long but trust me it will all come together soon.

Planning for 2023

What do I want more of in 2023?
This is your time to list out things you want to say yes to, things you want to make time for, things you want to prioritize, things you need yourself to believe, things you want to ask for, and things you want to act on. They could be really specific things like I want to prioritize my health by doing yoga three days a week to more open ideas like I want to prioritize creativity in my life. Think about the things that mean the most for you and write it all down.

What rituals can I put into place to get these things?
When you look at the list you made of things you want more of, changing your life to get more of those things will require you to do less of something or to change your habits to make the time you need. I

f you wanted to focus on the yoga example above one thing you could note here would be I’m going to dedicate 15 minutes doing yoga in my bedroom after I take off my makeup and brush my teeth. You’re setting up a specific time and place and giving it a time limit where you can know if you’ve achieved your goal or not. Starting small may seem like it’s not worth it but remember you may be building a new habit and sometimes starting small and making sure this fits in your life can lead you to the success you ultimately want. Also if you get on the yoga mat and realize you want to do more time you can always extend your time if you choose to.

So write down the rituals you need to put in place to get more of the things you want in the new year.

What do I want to learn in 2023?
Lifelong learning is something everyone should figure out what it looks like in your life. It does NOT have to mean things like getting another degree or certification. It can mean learning to bake or cross stitch or learning another language. No matter what, learning should always be a part of your life because it’s something you will always have. No job or person can take it away from you. The knowledge you gain is yours to use to shape your future.

So, make a list. What do you want to learn. Maybe this is the year you learn to drive a manual, maybe you decide you’re going to take yoga classes, or perhaps you want to learn how to DIY the tile in your bathroom. Nothing is too big or small and at this point it’s not about setting your goals. This is your space to write down anything and everything that is interesting to you.

What resources do I need to support me?
So you’ve made a list of things you want to learn and prioritize. Now is where you get to write down what you need to support you. If you want to learn to drive a manual but don’t have a manual car perhaps you’d write down buy a cheap car to learn on or ask a friend to teach you. If you wanted to practice yoga you could write down that you will buy a subscription to monthly yoga classes or that you’ll take your friend up on joining their community yoga classes.

You may also find that the resources you need are more intangible like I need the support of a community to help me be open to creating a new life and seeing my value. Write down whatever comes to mind.

What are my biggest lessons learned?
This is a question you may find you have a lot of lessons learned or just a few. If you’re not used to a regular reflection process you may find this hard to articulate but as you do this more often you’ll find that there are lessons to be learned along the way.

What do I value the most?
One thing I’ve changed about how I set goals is what matters most to me. It’s so easy to get caught up in the hype of the overnight YouTube millionaire that tells you to just get out there and get that mansion and super car and be just like them. Which is cool if that’s what lights you up and what you want but I’ve found over time that often what society deems as valuable and important isn’t important for everyone.

Get real with yourself here and think about if your job no longer mattered, if money didn’t matter, if you had all of your life needs met, what would matter for you at that point. Often the things I have on my list are things like honesty, my family, and hope. It could also include things like time to be creative, music, and time outside in nature. Take the time to really think about this question because what you write down will become your way of knowing if your goals and actions are taking you towards the life you want to live. It will help give you clarity on what really matters so you can pursue the things that get you where you want to go and start saying no to the things that aren’t in alignment with what makes the most sense for you.

What am I afraid of? What holds me back?
Whew! Yeah this question is one I added at some point because I realized sometimes it wasn’t a lack of resources or support or ability but perceptions or beliefs I had that were holding me back. I am a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist and at some point I realized I was doing things because I thought it was what others wanted. Or I would say I don’t really want that as a goal because what will people think of me. At the end of the day who cares what other people think. Sure there are people really close to you where what they think may matter but in my case I was letting the “they’s” of the interwebs have an impact on what I was willing to pursue. I’ve started to realize I need to let “what will they think” go and start doing things for me because at the end of my life working to make someone else happy is only going to leave me feeling like I missed out and I don’t want to leave this life full of regret.

How do I stay grounded and honest with myself?
In light of the last question I realized I needed ways to cope with my fear of not being the right thing for other people or being too much for other people. I needed to understand for myself what are the things I can turn to when I’m having a bad day, when I’m feeling like a failure, or when I don’t think I am ever going to accomplish my goals.

This list for me is a mix of things like having time with my kids to listening to my favorite music. This is a list you can reference when you’re in those hard times to find ways to pick yourself up or to break away from the routine so you can achieve the things you set for yourself.

Take a deep breath and know you’ve got this!

Ok, this has been quite a bit and there’s only one more installment for you after this to wrap things up and create your specific goals for the new year!

Pour yourself some tea or coffee or something else that you love, light a candle, and spend some time really thinking through these questions. I know it can feel like a lot but truly this work has helped me discover so much about myself and I feel a lot stronger and better about what I’m doing and my future because of this.