Contemplating Life’s Choices

I’ve been circling around the idea of the whole self for a couple of days figuring out how to talk about the parts of me that I often leave hidden or just don’t talk about much because they feel inappropriate for the setting/group, they feel braggy, or they feel outside of what people typically know and experience me as.

Then I started to remind myself that part of why I started this blog was specifically to have a space to discuss all the things that I love, am interested in, or that don’t fit within the other spaces I’m in. So for week 3 of our 52 Weeks of Contemplation journey here’s the question!

What are the pieces of you that you’ve hidden away from the world? What don’t you typically share with others because it makes you feel a certain way or you’re worried about how others will perceive you? Are you happy keeping those pieces of you separated or do you secretly wish there were spaces you could share and indulge in those aspects of who you are? If so, what holds you back?

For me, the things that remain partially hidden tend to be things that I feel people will judge me for because of my upbringing. I was raised in a religious family and though my parents were fine those die hard habits of people pleasing and conforming are sometimes hard to break.

The other thing that holds me back sometimes is the feeling that if I talk about the things that bring me joy or that I have in a time where so many people are struggling to make ends meet it feels insensitive to those circumstances.

I know there are people who will say no you have to talk about what you have because it shows others what’s possible and I do believe in the power of being able to see people who look like you, or come from circumstances like yours, showing that it is possible and expanding your beliefs about the world.

And, I understand that people pleasing and conforming don’t benefit anyone. The people who truly care about me will love me anyway or they may choose to not participate in every aspect of my life. I mean I get it. Not all of my friends care about crocheting but some of my friends do. Not all of my friends want to do yoga but some of them love it.

I’m learning as I get older that it’s important to become comfortable at finding the spaces and people that accept you and knowing that it’s not likely every person you care about will have an interest in every piece of you and that’s ok. No one person should have to shoulder the burden of being your champion and friend in all aspects of the things you love. I think this is where my drive to create community comes in.

I want to create spaces for people to find other people with similar interests, goals, and challenges.

I want people to know that just because your spouse/partner doesn’t know how to support you in one part of your life that you can find others who can support you in other ways. Just because your BBF doesn’t love all of your hobbies doesn’t mean you can’t have other friends who do. Plus building meaningful connections across all of the pieces of you helps build a network of support that you can turn to when times get tough or when you need to seek targeted advice.

All that being said, a few things you should expect to see on this blog that typically remain hidden for me include what I’d bucket into cars, stars, and creativity.

I actually really love cars, driving fast, and testing the limits of engineering. I promise I drive safely on the road but it’s absolutely a dream of mine to take some advanced driving courses. I want to find my ideal car community that includes women like me. Moms, women who don’t look like super models (nothing against this it’s just not where I fit in or resonate with at this stage of my life), and where women who want to learn more can safely do so.

Under stars I bucket all things metaphysical, mystical, or spiritual. That could include candles, crystals, tarot, astrology, angels, light work, and more. This also includes things that are typically well accepted like yoga, acupressure, and mindfulness. To me, this space is about learning to create the conditions for yourself to thrive, about understanding yourself, and finding ways to grow and heal that are outside of traditional practices. And before you freak out, I am all about knowing when you need to seek real medical and professional health vs utilizing other practices.

Finally creativity. I think growing up pushes out every ounce of creativity that children so inherently have. We’re told our drawing, writing, musical ability, etc. isn’t good enough so we stop. We fall in line with what is expected to go to school, get a job, and have a family because it’s steady and sure vs pursuing the things that often make us happy and give us an outlet for what’s on our minds. I think it’s especially hard as an adult and now when everyone’s expertise is on display on social media. Why bother to become a photographer when there’s already hundreds or thousands of other super talented people making the big bucks. Or why become a writer when everything you’ve wanted to write is already out there and that story you tried to write last summer still sucks in your mind. I’m giving myself permission again and again to try, to start knowing it may suck at first, and to continue to pursue the things that bring me joy knowing it will get better with practice and over time.

Anyway, this is a lot. If you feel brave, feel free to share what you wish you had more spaces to breathe life into your hobbies and interests that may not fit into existing spaces in your life. I want to know if you’re into foraging, palm reading, or creating your own perfumes at home. What’s giving you life that you haven’t shared for fear of some sort.